Happy Belated Thanksgiving!!!

Happy belated Thanksgiving! I had been meaning to post but I've been busy lately. I worked on Thanksgiving Morning, on Black Friday and earlier today, all around 8 hr shifts, you can say I am a little tired. But anyway I hope everyone had a fun and safe Thanksgiving!! I hope everyone stuffed their faces with the amazing food they had and I hope everyone just had a good Thanksgiving and spent it with the people who matter to you. I think for the rest of this post I am just going to post a few things I am thankful for. If you want leave what you are thankful for in the comments!!

I am thankful for:
My wonderful family
My amazing friends
My co-workers
My teachers
My music
Chocolate
Starbucks
The little bananas in Runts
YouTube
My Blog and my readers
But overall my life.

Have a nice night and let my know what you are all thankful for!!!!

Music Monday #5

D'ello! What is crackalacin my friends?? Its time for another music Monday! I was not really sure what to do for today because the only songs I have actually been listening to are French songs and Rap God by Eminem. But I have finally decided on one....drum roll please!!........

Should of Just Gone to Bed by the Plain White T's. This song has really good instrumentals. You know how some music is just computer laid beats? Well this one actually has music behind it, played by an ACTUAL band! Almost unheard of huh? haha. But overall this song is good and it just sounds really good. The lyrics are relatable to many people so overall it just makes a good song. I suggest you check it out. I am going to put the video in underneath:)

 

 



*I will be posting a few other posts this week so be sure to check them out! Also don't be afraid to talk with me, there is a communication box to your right as you read this and you can leave comments, tell me what you think! Good or bad!! I just wanna talk with you guys. Love ya lots!!*

Do Whats Good for You

Lately I have been having some issues with a few of my "friends". They don't know how I feel because if I try to talk to them about it they refuse to listen. Basically the big thing is they will ignore my unless they need something from me. One piece of advice I can give you right now is be nice to people but don't be too nice, because people will use you, trust me, I know. I am tired of being the person that is expendable, I'll be there when you need me but other than that I don't matter. Its been causing me a lot of problems lately. Its been causing me to feel as if I have to act out to get attention from them. I haven't acted out yet but its crossed my mind. My self-esteem has been dropping because of it, and its already not doing so well because of swimming in gym.

I want to use my experience to help other people. If you ever feel this way, or have, listen closely. They don't mean anything, friends will come and friends will go, its not worth it for you to feel worthless. You are more then someone to be used, you are a person. You are a person with talent and worth. You are a person who should never feel used and worthless. You look those people in the eye and say to them "Screw you!" Its going to be hard, its been hard for me to do, but your going to gain and loose friends and friends that only use you are NOT worth it. In all honesty they are not your friends.

I am going to wish all of you good luck if you are going through what I am right now. Its hard but I want you to do what's good for you. In return I ask you with me good luck with what I have to do as well. I don't want to loose these friends but the only way for me to feel good again is to loose these friends that are bringing me down. They won't understand but that doesn't matter, its time for me to put myself first. Sometimes you just need to put yourself first, and now is that time. Good luck to all going through what I am.

Happy Veterans Day

I just wanted to pop on and say a big thank you to all of the Veterans. Thank you for all of your sacrifices, thank you for doing what you do and have done for our country. Without you, and your sacrifices, we would no be where we are today. Thank you for serving our country. A lot of people in my family have served. It is a great honor to know people who have served and I know it is a great honor for them to have served. Thank you to everyone who had served and are currently serving.

The other day my school held a Veterans Day assembly and we invited Veterans for it and I couldn't help but cry. Seeing the pride on their face, and their emotions was so....amazing. Watching their faces as we gave them a standing ovations just made me break down, is was so heart warming. Playing in the orchestra for them was such an honor.

Thank you Veterans and Soldiers currently serving. In all branches of the Military. Thank you. We are the Land of the free because of the brave.

Music Monday #4

Guys I am sooo sorry I missed last week. I completely forgot! I told you guys this would happen!! But I got a treat for you this week!! Well I love the song a bunch but that's because I am a HUGE fan of this group. Ready??? Drum Roll please............Ones Directions new song Story of My Life. Guys I love One Direction so much. So I think this song is amazing. Story of My Life is kind of a new sound for them but its also their old song. Its honestly soooo good!! I can't even handle it. I can't wait for their album to come out!! I am also going to link a "review" for this song. Its by Shane Dawson, one of my favorite YouTubers. I love One Direction with all of my heart but its pretty funny. So please check both out!!

Story of My Life:

 

 

 

 

 

Shane Dawson's Review:

 

 





 

 

 

 

 

 

Each work belongs to the respected parties. I take no credit for any of the work shown on my blog.

Music Mondays #3

Today I want to make my post about more than just a song, but a group. Pentatonix. They are an a Capella group how sings popular songs. If you don't know what a Capella is, it is where you make music, entirely without instruments. Its all done mostly by singing and beat boxing. Pentatonix is very very good and my favorite cover of theirs is Can't Hold Us, originally by Macklmore. I am going to include the link to their YouTube channel and I really suggest you check them out!! Pentatonix

Music Monday #2

Hey its MUSIC MONDAY!! This song is again one that I did not like when I heard it originally but it grew on my like Royals did. I would like to present Summertime Sadness by Lana Del Rey. I am listening to it now. There are two versions of Summertime Sadness, the remix, which is more upbeat and fast, then there is the original version of Summertime Sadness which is slower but just as good. The original version has more of an emotion sound to it. But the song either way is very good and very good to listen too. I know it may be "mainstream" to like this song, same with Royals, but I like it and I want to share it with you guys. I am putting both versions below so.....check it out!

I Heard It First

There are many things that people say that really irritate me. One happens to be when a song comes on that you, and a lot of other people, enjoy and they say "I heard this song first! I hate that everyone likes it now when I heard it first". First off people, that song was not made for just you to like. That song was made by an artist for a lot of people to listen to and enjoy. Second, you should be happy for this artist because they just became popular and are successful from this song. That is what artists are looking for, to share their music with a large audience of people and have them like it. They don't make a song just for one person to listen to and like. They made it for EVERYONE. I don't care if you discovered a song or artist first, before they became popular, good for you! I am allowed to enjoy them (artist or song) just as you are. But here is a cookie for you, congrats that you discovered them first.

There rant over:)

Music Monday #1!

There is a song I am currently in LOVE with. Royals by Lorde. It is such a fun, catchy song. I don't even know how to describe it. I used to HATE this song but it slowly grew on me. I now love it and constantly have it on replay! Here is the song!! Hope you enjoy as much as I do!

New Idea!

I have decided that I want to make a weekly post for you and I shall call it.....Music Mondays!! So original isn't it? I want to become more relatable to you, my readers and I want to share with you some of my favorite things! YAY! Now I am going to try to do this.... I am going to try very hard to keep this a weekly thing, but if I do fail  I would like to apologize in advanced!! I am very excited to start this and I hope you guys enjoy it too!

The Life of School

School is only an month in and so much has happened all ready. I will start off with my homecoming.

Our homecoming theme was into the future, it was a cool theme, it was fun to decorate and it looked awesome! This year the DJ was, in my opinion, awesome! We won our homecoming game (we are undefeated, more on that later), our homecoming performance for band went really well, I liked it. Did we mess up a bit when making the Enterprise, sure, but that was okay. For half time we played music from Star Wars and Star Trek, we also played Crazy Train and we played our school song. It was cool. I loved my dress this year, it was very pretty! I had an amazing time for pictures, it was a TON of fun! The only down side to homecoming was.....I left about and hour and a half into the dance because I felt HORRIBLE. I was very upset I was leaving, I wanted to stay and have a buttload of fun. I even missed the live performance that a local band from our school that was playing.

Moving on I have to give props to our football team, we have not lost a game this year yet! *knock on wood* Playoff bound baby!!! This year the team is doing amazing and I don't think I have ever seen them play this good. We played our town rival, West, tonight, or rather last night. We CRUSHED them! 28-0! It was one of the BEST games I have ever seen, I had a ton of fun cheering for our boys!

I have been busy busy busy this year. I am PR for French club, I have chaired an event for Student Council, I am currently chairing for Spooktacular, a trick or treating event my school puts on for younger children in my city, for Polaris Honors Society. I am also playing my flute in the Orchestra for an upcoming concert. I also take an online class along with my full schedule and I have gotten a job! I am finally making bank! haha just kidding, I get paid just over minimum wage, but that is okay with me, its money after all.

SOO  much going on. I feel so grown up and so young at the same time. I don't feel that I should be as old as I am! Its so crazy! I have been looking into some colleges already. How am I old enough to be looking into colleges?? OHMYGOSH!

Sorry for not posting in FOREVER! I am working on posting more! I promise! Its just been sooo busy! I promise to post again soon!! Love ya lots my beauties:)

Busy Busy Busy

Well hey there. Its been a while haha. I have been busy with school and everything. School has been an adventure already. So much going on, to many things I already don't understand, I had to give up on Physics homework tonight and am going in for help tomorrow morning. I didn't even get through one problem, go me! I also forgot to do some French homework over the weekend, luckily my teacher is super nice!

I have been super stressed out and its only the third week of school! I want it over already. This year has been really hard for me to get back into the swing of school. I don't know why the transition is so hard this year but its making me stressed. I think part of it is I am not ready to be this old yet, I'm not ready for my future.

My first day of school sucked, I hated it. I went home and cried. It was just rough, I don't have many friends in my classes and I had a buttload of stuff thrown at me. Plus I am taking an online class on top of a full schedule. Its been crazy but I am slowly figuring it all out.

I got my license!! I am sooo happy!! I had my road test on the 11th and I passed. I was so thankful. Of course September is a somber day for us there in the U.S.

I wish I had a car but I have to buy my own...sigh.... but on the bright side I also got a job!! I start my orientation on Friday! Excitement!!

There is so much I want to put in this blog post but I have to sort through my feelings. You might not know it but this blog is how I get my feelings out, and you don't know half of my feelings. I wish I knew if I had an audience but I don't know if I have an active audience.... It would make my blogging easier, that way I could do what I wanted with this blog but that's okay, I enjoy typing to myself.

I will be posting a fun blog soon I think, I just need to think of a fun one!! I will also be posting more I think, its just been stressful and I haven't found a time to really sit behind the computer and type.

Catch ya'll on the flip side LATER:)

P.S. peeps, talk to me! If you're reading, let me know, I want to meet you! I really do! I have a contact box to the right if you wanna just talk to me personally or you can comment! But seriously don't be shy! I don't bite!! I'm weird, but my friends like me! I'm not super weird, just funny weird! Talk to me peeeeeepssss. Like chicks, PEEEEEPs:)

You Wanna Hug Me? What Rhymes With Hug Me?

If you don't understand the title of this post 1: you have a pure mind, which trust me, is a good thing. 2: You haven't heard Blurred Lines by Robin Thick. I am not going to explain that line from the song, if you don't get it, Google it. Seriously. I have enough people telling me my mind is always in the wrong place, but you know if it wasn't in the gutter half the time and I wasn't good at thinking on my feet, my friends would not have half the entertainment that they do. Sometimes I'm a fricken comedienne. Anyway that is completely off topic. The point of this post is music. Music is a big part of teens everyday life, weither they listen to Hip Hop, Pop, Rap, Country, Christian, what ever genre you listen to, its a big part of your life.

We hear music all of the time, its a daily occurrence. For me I often use music as a way to calm down after a stressful day, or when I'm upset for whatever reason, music has been there for me when people haven't. But I also listen to music to just pass time, or dance around my house and act like a freak, when I want to fill awkward silences when I'm with my friends, when I want to ignore people. Music is big in my life, I listen to all types of music. If you went and looked through my iPod, I think you would be soooo confused by the amount of different genres I have! But I love each and every song on there in a different way.

Not only do I listen to music, I also play music. If it hasn't come up I play the flute at school for band. I've been playing since the talent show in 5th grade. I love playing music, especially pep band! That's when I love music, when I can feel the music. Sometimes in class you will find me swaying to the music we are playing because I am just that into it.

Music is such an important part of our lives, especially our teenage years. Sometimes I wish artists would use music to convey more positive messages instead of the ones they do, but really who really listens that hard to the lyrics.

I don't understand how I can remember soooo many song lyrics but nothing that I learn in school. I might have to pull a Hannah Montana and turn the stuff I learn in school into a song:) haha maybe not, I have no talent in signing, or making songs, I've tried writing a couple songs, my friends made fun of me :)

I have found more and more music parody's on YouTube, all of which are fricken HILARIOUS! Just to let you guys know:)

Right now my favorite music is mostly county but I also LOVE Little Mix, One Direction, Imagine Dragons, and more country. If you want to check out a cool song listen to Popular Song by Mika and Ariana Grande. Its good:) I think the general message is you are popular as long as you are being you. I might be super wrong though. Oh and Made in the USA by Demi Lovato is good!

What are your guy's favorite tunes right now? What genres do you listen to? Let me know in the comments!!

'Yeahhh, I like a little Captain in my coke. You know I like a little good time in my smoke, With a pair of tan legs hangin' off the tailgate, Underneath the bridge down Harrison Road, I like fried chicken right off the bone, I like my peaches home grown. Pickin' on a six string, listenin' to the choir sing, With a little Garth on the radio. A little bit of Florida, A little bit of Georgia, And a whole lot of country in my soul.'

The Fault in Our Stars

If you have read The Fault in Our Stars, you can skip the explanation of the plot, otherwise enjoy!!

                                                                                                      
For my birthday (the first) I received the book The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Now I had heard a lot of good things about this book and recently have become a fan of John Greens work. I must say if you haven't read this book, I suggest you get your butt to your nearest book store or library and pick it up. This book is one of the greatest and saddest books I have read in a while. I mean I fall in love with a lot of books but I literally read this book in like two days, I was hooked, and I haven't been hooked on a book in a while. This book literally made me cry. At the end I just sat there weeping. I do have a bone to pick with Mr.Green. WHY is all I ask WHY!! I was expecting a happy ending, not one that made me cry!! I am not going to tell you guys what made me cry in case you have not read The Fault In Our Stars, because it is a plot twist and if I told you then it just ruin the whole experience of reading the book.

I would honestly give this book a 10 out of 10 rating. It was such a wonderful book. It had a great mix of drama, happiness, sadness and ughh it was just a wonderful book!!

The basic plot line of the book is there is this girl, Hazel, who was diagnosed with terminal cancer of the lungs at age 13 and is on a drug that had basically kept her alive. Hazel doesn't really leave the house, she was pulled out of school, although she takes college classes over at her local community college. Her mom is quite overbearing, always close, always there. So Hazel becomes sort of depressed, she doesn't really leave the house, she doesn't have a lot of friends, nor does she hang out with of her friends a lot. Her mom signs her up for a cancer support group. She goes to this weekly. She had kind of became friends with this one boy Issac, who one week brought his friend, Augustus. Augustus stared at Hazel the entire time at support group. Augustus is an amputee from osteosarcoma, which he had and is now in remission. After support group he pulls Hazel aside and they being talking. She goes over to his house and that's where their friendship starts. They bond over Hazels favorite book 'An Imperial Affliction'. They begin to spend more time together and Gus loves An Imperial Affliction. Hazel really wanted to meet the author of her favorite book after an email exchange with the author that Gus had and so did Hazel. The author, through his personal assistant agreed that if she came to Amsterdam, where he lived, he would tell her what happens after the book had finished, as she was always obsessed with what happens after the book ends, but the author never wrote a second book. Gus, using his 'wish' from the 'genies' (like Make A Wish) to fly him and Hazel over to talk to the author. The author was not what either of them expected. He was a drunk. Although upset they still had a great time in Amsterdam. The authors assistant takes them around to different places in Amsterdam as she had set up the meeting without the authors knowledge and she felt terrible about the way he reacted. This is where Hazel learns something terrible. 

This is where I stop because you need to read the novel yourself because if I tell you then it just doesn't give you the same affect when you read it. If you really want to know, Google it.  

Thank you John Green for writing such a great book and many other books, such as Looking for Alaska, which I am also not to happy with the ending of that book either, but that's for a later date:) 

Honestly this is one of the best books I've read in a while and I really suggest you read it too!! If you have read it, let me know your thoughts in the comments down below!!

Blog Name - Self Esteem and Body Image

Disclaimer: I am not looking for attention, I just want to share with you the idea behind the name of my blog.
This post is long and I don't blame you if you don't make it all the way through. Sorry if there are grammatical errors.
                                                                                                       
I've been having a hard time decided if I wanted to make this post yet, its something I'v
e wanted to post but I've been putting it off, which is why I haven't posted in quite a while. For some reason I have a hard time finding the words I want to say to explain it and for some reason it makes me nervous. I have no idea why it does.

Being Me, Loving Me....Well Kinda was the name I thought of for my blog because I thought it fit perfectly for how I feel. As many females do I have very low self esteem and a very poor body image. Meaning I do not in fact love myself, nor do I feel being me is good enough. These words are things I strive for, I want to be me and I want to love myself but until I can feel good enough that is not going to happen. Many woman
feel the exact same way, and some are lucky enough to never have encountered this.

Some do extreme things to themselves, some can handle it pretty easy and some of us, we hide it until it all comes out. Some of the most confidential people you meet can actually people who hurt the most, they are just good at hiding. Personally I try to compress my feelings until I am alone, I don't let people know, and that is hard to do. I have never starved myself or done any kind of self harm, not that it didn't ever cross my mind. But every time it did cross my mind I shot it down, mostly out of fear but also I remembered that I wouldn't only be hurting myself but the people are me, especially my little brother who would not have understood. If you are a person that does these kind of things I pass no judgement upon you, you deal with things differently and I completely understand your logic, but please don't. Many people are willing to help you, they are all around, if someone doesn't make you feel better or listen, someone else will, even I will. I have no problem listening to people and helping people with their problems. My friends always come to me when they need someone to talk to, please done hesitate to contact me, male or female.

I guess I've always felt this way, as a younger child I was chunky, I'd even go as far to say I was fat. When I was  younger it didn't bother me, I was the way I was and back then it didn't matter. It started in middle school, that's the time when things start to change but it still wasn't bad, right around that time was when I hit my major times growth, and I began to thin out, now at 5' 11" I am tall and everyone tells me I'm skinny but I don't really believe them because of the low body image. I think I am quite big to tell you the truth but. It all really hit me once I got to my freshman year, I knew it was going to be a big change going into high school and it certainly was. My freshman year was a hard one, once or twice a month I would have what I called 'melt downs' these were the times when I would just cry because I would hate the way I looked and hate that I didn't feel good enough and all my emotions just came to surface, like I said I compress my emotions. I would always compare myself to everyone else and I didn't think I stood a chance against them. I also didn't feel I could go to my friends, at all, it just wasn't the way I was, I try to deal with everything myself so I can help myself.

One day in English class we had to write a persuasive paper and our teacher showed us her paper she wrote in college and it was on the topic of women and body image, and how the media played a part in women having a low body image. Already talking about it made me kind of upset, but I was fine because it showed me that I wasn't alone. I was fine all up until my teacher was talking about how Marilyn Monroe would have been around a size 12. I personally wear anywhere between 13 and 15. A girl in my class, whom I've known for quite a while goes "12! That's HUGE! I wear a size 1!" and that's when I lost it. I turned to my friend and started crying. She hugged me and slowly people began to see that I was crying, luckily the people sitting around my were all my friends and I soon had a group of people huddled around me and they were trying to comfort me. My teacher came over and talked to me as well then this one girl that I had not said two words to the whole year came over to me and asked me what was wrong. She was a 'popular' girl and she is absolutely beautiful, inside and out. She had already kind of knew what was wrong and she says to me 'not to be weird but can I hug you' she gave me a hug and was there to listen to me. She was there for me more then some of my friends and she was going through a very tough time, even now she is. She later messaged me on Facebook seeing how I was doing and gave me her number and we talked. I wish I was closer to her now but we haven't talked in a while.

This past year has been much better for me but it is still hard. I go through these times that I call my 'dark times' I have never been diagnosed with depression, but that is basically what these times are. Times where I hate myself and where I can't shake this feeling of being deeply upset, these often happen when bad things in life happen and all my feelings come to surface or when I begin thinking a lot, and a lot of other times. I'm not really sure when it happens but it happens about once a month or every couple months. Its all getting better, but it still happens.

Sometimes I hate looking at the mirror, I hate what I see half the time, I hate feeling the fat on my legs I have over my muscle, I hate seeing the fat on my stomach. But slowly I am beginning to like myself, and soon I hope to be able to love myself, and feel okay being myself. There is more I want to write but this post is long and I don't have the words anymore. I don't know how to describe it anymore. Basically  now I just fall into a depression and luckily after a couple of days I can pull myself out of it. Sometimes it takes a lot but its getting better. I compare myself to other still a lot and that doesn't help at all. I still don't feel good about myself, but its a work in progress and I think and hope one day I can be at peace with myself.

The words have run out, I don't know what else to say. But I feel like I am getting my self esteem up and my body image up and that slowly I am gaining confidence in myself. And that's what counts. So for now I'm Being me and loving me....well kinda:)

If you stuck with my this far in this post thank you. I know its long but I wanted to get it out. Thank you for listening and if you feel this way and want help feel free to reach out to me. Thank you again. Have a great day.

-Aubrey

A Couple of Things

HEYYYYY!! So I just wanted to give a general explanation of a couple of things, and a bit of an update on life.

First of all I know this blog really had no direction and I am pretty sure I have very few active readers and its mostly people who just stumble here and that's okay with me. But I do want to have a direction for this blog and I know exactly what I want to do, I just don't feel ready to have a direction. One post that I want to have is an explanation of the name of this blog (Being Me, Loving Me...Well Kinda) There is an actual meaning behind it, and it wasn't just a random name I can up with. Another post I want to do is a post about Autism. Autism directly effects me and my family and I want to have a couple of post about Autism in general and a couple post in my opinion of Autism. Tagging along with the post about the title of this blog I would like to do some posts about body image, and after I explain the name of my blog I think this will make perfect sense. Some other posts I want to make are my general thoughts on things, wither it be about my life or things in society, or just general rants. I also want to make posts about things I like to do, some book reviews, recipes, crochet patterns, soccer. And of course the general posts about high school. I do have an idea of a direction I want to go with this blog, I'm just not ready to start on the direction yet.

Second of all if you do read this blog and like it, let me know!! I have absolutely no idea what my audience is like except for a couple of small facts that Blogger gives me, soo if you read let me know!! I know of exactly one person who actively reads my blog, and a big shout out to her for reading it!! Thanks Sarah! If anyone else is reading well let me know and I will give you a shoutout as well!! Also if you are reading this post and have read others and like what you read, don't be afraid to tell your friends!! I would love more readers and be able to communicate with others!! But please, if you are pedophile, leave me alone:) haha yea I have a bad sense of humor, but my friends think I'm funny:)

And that brings us to the end of this post, I have been doing absolutely nothing with my life lately, other then watching some youtubers, my current favorite is Shane Dawson, I've linked it to is main Youtube channel if you wanna check him out. **Note he has a specific sense of humor and some may find it offensive, or otherwise inappropriate** Any ways that's kinda everything I wanted to tell all you wonderful people out there in Blogger Land. SOOOOO have a beautiful day, or night, or evening, or...you know what just have a beautiful life!! :D

Happy Fourth

Happy Fourth of July to everyone who reads this!! I know its kinda late on the 4th but I haven't gotten around to being on the computer. Where I live the fireworks are tomorrow so its kind of weird not having them today, but of course that doesn't stop people from setting off their own!! haha I've been scared more than once tonight by the fireworks when I was least expecting them!! We lit up a couple of sparklers tonight and cracked open some glowsticks:)

Of course the 4th is much more than just the fireworks and the glowsticks, its more than the partys and parades, its the day celebrating our independence and freedom. Today celebrates the day we became true Americans, separate from our British rule. We would not have a day such as today if people had not fought hard for their independence, if people didn't give up their lives, we today would not be free. People are still giving their lives to keep us free and to help other country's and nations achieve their independence. Today is truly a special day and I think a lot of people are forgetting the true meaning of today.  Its not about the partys, its not about the fireworks, its about out independence as Americans and the people that gave, and are still giving, their lives for our freedom. I would like to thank EVERYONE in the armed forces, whatever branch of the military, no matter how long you were in the service, for the sacrifices they have made to keep us a free and independent country. Today is truly a special day, and I hope we can keep the meaning of today true.

I hope everyone day a fun and safe fourth and continues to have a fun and safe independence weekend. I hope you enjoyed your fireworks and parades and cookouts, I know I had. Have a safe and wonderful time!!

STUFFFFFFFFFF

Happy July 1st!! It is exactly one month until my birthday!! YAY!! Tomorrow is my last day of behind the wheel!! YAY!! I finally scheduled my road test!! YAY!! Its summer!! YAY!! Nothing else is going on in my life!! Seriously guys I'm bored and  I have no idea what to do. That's why I haven't really been blogging. I should really start writing down blog ideas..... I will start doing that eventually. Lately I've just been lazy, which is fine with me. I've been super tired for no reason lately. I should really just get together with some friends and hang out but I just haven't wanted to do anything really, besides eat. haha not good. But anyway this is just kind of a random blog post because I haven't been on  in a while. Ya knowwww. yeaaaa. Well that's about all I guess. Yup that's it. haha Au revoir mes amis!!!

Little Bit of Pop Culture

Okay, so I generally don't care about pop culture or whatever. I keep kind of up to date and I love music and listening to new music but I generally don't feel the need to voice my opinions about them with the world but this must be shared. I cannot handle what I just saw. I literally am not sure what I just saw.
Miley Cyrus recently released the music video for her single We Can't Stop. The single itself I like and enjoy listening to, but the video. The video is simply something else. The music video is something my brain can't even comprehend. So many things happened in it and the video is just interesting. No offense to Miley like you go girl, be different! But this video, I don't even know what to say about it. In it she is twerking, grinding, everything. She is making out with an oversized Barbie. She has giant bears. I don't even know! A girl cuts off fake fingers. There is this freakish computer generated white face, mask looking thing, I'm not even sure, my brain cannot comprehend the music video. And her lip syncing is just a touch off in parts of the video, but that happens in music videos. I'm not sure what I think of her anymore, I just, I'm so confused. I mean no hate to Miley but I'm completely grounded, she is so different from what I knew her to be.....
I like the song, it seems like a chill beat,something you can dance to. It's upbeat and fun. But the music video is simply so random. You can check it out on YouTube, it's on her Vivo channel, I'd link it but I'm on an iPad and I'd just screw something up.

Another song I have some issues with is Why I'm Single by Alli Simpson, Cody Simpsons little sister. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of Cody, Alli seems really nice and everything but for some reason I don't like her all that much, I feel like its because just looking at her makes me feel bad about myself, haha. But again I like the song, it's a chill beat, something fun to dance to. It's upbeat and fun. The music video isn't crazy. The music video doesn't have much to do with the song though. It's basically her wearing different outfits and dancing around. And talking on a pink corded phone, which I really like. But one line I have an issue with is 'I show them my scars'. Personally when I hear this in a song I think of physical scars, if you understand what I'm saying. She means more along the lines of emotional scars, which are as important but I wish she would use a different line for this.  I know, it's something so trivial. Over all I like this song though, I keep listening to it and am starting to really like it. You can check this song out on Alli's YouTube channel SoAlli.

Overall I like both of these songs!! Please understand that. Sorry for the ranting. I just had to get that out. I couldn't handle it.  I so like both of the songs. This will probably be the only time I post about this kind of stuff. Have a good night!!

Summer

ITS SUMMER! I am almost at a full week of summer! Last Friday was the last day of school for my Sophomore year! o.O Its so crazy to think that I just have two more years until I'm off on my own.

On Tuesday I started my behind the wheel portion of my Drivers Ed. I have a mix of simulation and actual behind the wheel. Yesterday (Wednesday) my my first day of actually driving with an instructor. I have driven before, I have about 15 hours of driving in, but this was the first time not with my parents. Now we don't get to drive our parents car so I had to get used to a whole different car, one that was nicer then my parents car. I get to drive a Pontiac G6. It was such a pain to figure out, the brake and gas pedal are so touchy!! But the instructor said I did good and I got a B+ for yesterday, which is generally what people get. I was a little afraid of dying though because the person also in my group hasn't driven to much and well, sometimes it was a little scary :p

I have had a pretty decent beginning to summer. I have hung out with my friends and I also have soccer so I haven't been to alone this summer. Also with drivers ed I don't get to sleep until noon which is good. I really wanna start some projects but I am just to lazy, but I do have a lot of summer left and I plan on doing some cool things this summer. So I think I am okay yet to just sit around for a while.

I am on the job hunt, I have applied for some fast food restaurants but haven't got a call yet. *sigh* Hopefully I will get one, I really need some money!!

I think I need to start having a regular post that isn't just updates on my life, I will get around to thinking of some regular posts. Most likely, maybe, eventually it will happen.

If any of you are bored I would suggest going and watching some youtubers. Like Kingsley, or Tyler Oakley, or Thatcherjoe, or Zoella, or Alfie, or Marcus Butler, or JacksGap. There are a lot. oh and Casper Lee. Each youtuber is a little different, so I would suggest checking some out and finding ones you like!! If you want to check them out I will link to them!! I really like watching them!! Its something to look forward to every week. Just like watching Switched at Birth, or the Fosters, or other TV shows that I like to watch!!

Anyyy whoooo. Check out some youtubers, let me know who you like!! I'm gonna go now, have a good day!!

Bittersweet

Tomorrow is my last day of school for the year! I am super excited that I have made it through the year and now I only have 2 more years of high school!! But it is also bittersweet. I don't want to leave my friends for the summer. I am going to miss everyone so much!! I know I can easily hang out with them and get together with them but we see each other at school everyday and now we wont see each other as much. *pouty face*.

Tomorrow I just have my French final at 10 then after a couple of my friends and I are going out to lunch then hanging out after lunch.

And then tomorrow night I have to go play with the band and orchestra at graduation. This is also bittersweet because I have to say goodbye to all my senior friends, which believe it or not there are actually a couple. My neighbor is graduating tomorrow and I am going to be super sad. She was one of the people I looked up to growing up and now she's not going to be just next door anymore.

Tomorrow is just simply going to be a bittersweet day. I haven't even said goodbye to all of my friends yet!! I probably won't even see all of them tomorrow!! I made so many this year too and they have all become so important to me!! At least I know I don't have to say goodbye to my best friend, for a while I thought I was going to have to but she's staying with me! yay!! Her and I have so many plans for the summer its unreal, and about 90% of them won't happen what whatever:) I'm just glad she decided not to leave me:) because I would be very, very, very sad.

I better be off to bed!! Good night everyone!!

Be Me?

I wrote this one day in study hall, I didn't have any homework to do and I had a lot on my mind, so I figured I'd share it because I kind of like it. The explains a lot of my thoughts perfectly.

Be Me?
         Everyday of your life you are told to be yourself. You are told that nothing else matter as long as you are being yourself. But how can you be yourself if you have no idea who you are. You have no idea what your identity is, and how are you able to discover yourself if you don't know who you are? How do you find your place in this world? How can you be yourself when every move you make is being watched and judged by others? How can you be yourself when your not allowed to be you? We are always told to sit up, dress in nice cloths, keep quiet, be mature, act your age, but yet we are told to be ourselves? How can we be ourselves when we are constantly told what we should and shouldn't do? We are told this is how you should look, it is how you should do your hair, you should eat this and wear that. How do you be yourself when your identity is lost, even to you? How can you be yourself when you cant even do the things you want? Or act as you please? or dress the way you want to? How can you be yourself when you can't even make decisions for yourself?
         There comes a time when you just have to stand up and defend yourself. When you stand up as say No! this is what I want, this is my belief, this is me. There comes a time when enough is enough and you break that wall and finally stop listening to others and the bullshit and finally know who you really are. Not who you friends tell you to be, not who your family tells you to be, not who society tells you to be, but you are finally who you are, you are yourself. You finally can tell yourself this is me.




  

Failing

So that whole blog posting idea has been failing pretty hard huh? I just haven't thought of anything to post! haha But I will try harder to post more and do a weekly post. I really so like having a blog, I just need more ideas to post about. Well since I am here I will just update you on my life.

 Next week is the last week of school. I cannot believe its the last week but I am also glad because I have no motivation to do anymore school work. I'm am just kinda done with school right now. Next week we have class Monday and Tuesday and then finals the rest of the week. June 7th is our last day of school. I always look forward to the end of the school year but I also dread it. I am glad to be done with school but I know I am just going to end up being bored all summer. There isn't much to do here if you don't have a car or money, seeing as I am not 16 nor do I have a job, I get pretty bored. But I have several friends with their license so it wont be as bad this summer.

I am actually very happy that next week is final since i only have to be at 2 finals, French and Band, the band final is always a joke and I can just wing the french final, I'm getting a descent enough grade where it wont matter to much if I get a bad grade.

I have basically no plans for summer other then soccer. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I might go over to Michigan for a while this summer to visit some family. That will be lots of fun haha.

I've been kinda feeling lonely lately, a lot of my friends have been talking with some guys that they have a possibility to date or they have a 'thing' with these guys, then I'm just sitting here like hey I really like this poll over here, its such a nice poll. Yea that was a bad joke but you get my general idea. :) sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me but then I just tell myself that there isn't and they are just missing out, right?? To be honest I've never had a boyfriend, haven't had my first kiss, and I guess I'm okay with that. I feel kind of left out but whatever, it'll happen in time right??

I'm just glad that I have a lot of really caring, really nice, really awesome friends that are always there for me. Without my friends I have no idea where I'd be, not where I am now.

Well that's all for tonight I think. I will start brainstorming some ideas for blogs tonight since I have nothing to do on a Friday night but read. Go me!! haha have a great night everyone.

Ideas

They always say that at night and in the shower is when you do the most thinking. Well I'm definitely not writing this in the shower so the only other option is in lying in bed, thinking. So I'm thinking that I should try something new with this blog and post more regularly. I have no idea if anyone reads this, if you do seriously let me know!! Then I will have more ideas but I think every month I want to do a favorites post. Things like books, clothes, stores, make up, everything!! Just my favorite things of the month. I do want to keep this blog more up to date and post more regularly. It just gets hard when I don't know what to post or if I even have readers. Please don't be a ghost reader, I really want to know if you are out there!! Leave me a comment or something!! But I think a favorites post will be good. Also I think a post at least every week is a good idea, which will be either an update on things or the thing of the week that upset me. Sound good to any of you guys?? I am also seriously considering starting a YouTube channel, well I have one but I've only used it for projects, since summer will be starting very soon!! I'm in need of a change so I like this idea. Well I'll check ya all later. It's bed time!! Well after I check twitter.  Later y'all. 

Life and Things

Wwwweeeelllllll heeelllllooooo Internet! I disappeared from the Internet for a while. I don't think anyone noticed it but heyyyyyy. I didn't know what I blog about but I wanted to blog something. Hmmm let's think here. I have no motivation and I cannot WAIT for the end if the school year, I no longer have motivation to do school work. Summer will be fun I hope. I am hoping to get a job and visit my cousins and of course hang out with friends. I also turn 16 this summer! Yay!! That is also a scary thought, 2 more years and I'm an adult!! Woah!! I feel so unprepared to grow up.  I miss being a little kid, with no worries in the world. But yeah! It's scary! But also exciting.

I hurt myself at soccer again, I really need a new ankle, I always hurt my left ankle, it looks like I just twisted it really well. I'm glad because if I hurt it again severally I don't think I'd be playing soccer anymore and even though I'm not a super good soccer player it's my sport and I love it. But I am going to rest up my ankle for our game Monday!!

I've been learning lately that you really need to let things go and not dwell on things if you truly want to be happy. Lately I haven't been very happy and that's because I can never let things go. I am glad I've been so busy lately because then I can't think, and that solves most of my problems. But if you bottle up your emotions and dwell on the past you will never be happy. The past is the past and you need to let it go or one event in your life is going  to bring up all you emotions and its going to take a while to really be happy again. You can put a smile on your face and tell people your happy but really it eats you up inside. So don't dwell on your past. It's in your past for a reason. 

I'm going to head to bed now, I have a test in A.P. U.S. history to tomorrow that I am going to fail!!

To anyone reading have a good day or night or weekend. Just have a good life!!

Pitch Perfect

Okay can we just discuss the fact that Pitch Perfect is the absolute best movie of all time. I mean there are plenty of very amazing movies but Pitch Perfect is just the absolute best. It always makes me happy and the singing puts me in a good mood all of the time. The only part if Pitch Perfect I don't like us the ending, but I'm hoping they will make a second one, and I think they might so I'm okay with the ending for now.

One of the best thing about Pitch Perfect are the actors and actresses in the movie. They all are good singers and amazing at their job. One of my favorite out of all of them is of course the main character Becca, and my other favorite is Jesse. He is just amazing and who can't but love Benji? But let's discuss the fact that Jesse is in my opinion very attractive and the fact that he can sing just makes him 10x better (I'm sorry, I'm a music girl). But watching Jesse and Becca just make me feel that much happier!

Pitch Perfect is the absolute perfect mix of romance, comedy, drama and music. After the first time watching it when my mom and I rented it I feel in love with the movie and had to go out and buy the soundtrack online. I listened to the soundtrack over and over, remembering all the parts of the movie that went with the music. I then bugged my mom over and over and over until she bought the movie for me. When I finally got it I watch it everyday. I absolutely LOVE Pitch Perfect!! One if the best movies ever!!

Updates:Lots of Them

Heyy there!! So much has happened. Well kinda. I went to Washington D.C. a little over a week ago with my band and it was SO MUCH FUN! I am so glad I had the opportunity to go with my band and just to go! haha. It was so great and so fun but it was all to fast, I don't remember much of anything! So glad I took an over abundance of pictures!!! Maybe sometime I'll post some pictures! But not now, I just wanna talk now. In D.C. we went to so many places! We went to pretty much every memorial there was in D.C. and we played at the WWII Memorial which was a super cool experience.  We even had a group of super cute French military guys watching and clapping obnoxiously. We took pictures in front of the White House and behind George Washington's House at Mount Vernon. The only part of the trip that was the worst was the bus ride. We drove through the night on the way there and on the way back. I believe it was a 15 hour drive, it was horrible, I didn't sleep at all! I was really tired when we got back. But it was super fun and I hope to go back sometime in my life!

Soccer has started up officially, well kind of. We can't go out on the fields because of the snow, there is to much of it out on the field, and by the time it melts its going to be a mud fest. For now we are practicing in the gym, which I really hate doing, I just want to be out on the field. I made JV B this year again, I was really upset originally and I miss all of my friends because everyone of them moved up to JV A, but after talking to my coach and everything I understand what shes saying and I'm okay with JV B now, I kind of feel important because I am one of three not freshman and I feel kind of like a leader on the team, which is cool, but I need to remember that I am not any better then the freshman, because I have a lot of work ahead of me if I want to make it to Varsity in the next two years. But I'm ready to get out on the field and play. I hate having to share the gym with all of the other spring sports, especially baseball, I always feel like I'm going to get hit with a ball, and that hurts, a lot.

Other then that I am on Spring Break! Not like I'm doing anything for Spring Break, other then soccer practice everyday, and homework, which I have to start yet. But its nice to be off of school, if only this dumb snow would completely melt. Its getting close but it really all needs to leave now. I've been driving lately  I have my temps, I have a lot of work ahead of me when it comes to driving but I haven't crashed yet and I'll get better haha.

Can I just share something that I have fallen in love with and am currently listening to. Its a song. Its called Wings by Little Mix and I am listening to it right now and I really think anyone reading should listen to it to because its really great. This is the link. Its really great and upbeat and everything. Also I am going to ask if you are reading this blog you comment to me that you are, I want to see if I actually have any readers or if I'm just writing to myself, either way I'm okay with it. :) Have a wonderful day any one who reads this!!

Life

If there's anything that I've learned is that life is going to knock you down and throw you around but it will always be better eventually. In my time on the earth I've learn that the best way to get through hard times is to just laugh and smile. Sure things may be tough and it may feel like the best thing to do is give up, but giving up is not an option. It's never an option. You control your life, you control how you feel and even if your at your lowest point you just have to look up at the sun and know it will shine tomorrow and that you have tomorrow and things will get better. All of us have reached our personal lows and you know what, we got back up, dusted ourselves off and said you know what life, fuck you because we are all strong and we all know that after a while everything will be better. And that's what's you have to do. Life is going to throw punches at you and you have to take those punches, blow for blow and return them until life has no punches left to throw. You have to come out of that match a winner. Even when you have that feeling in the pit of your stomach that things will never get better, they will. Surround yourself with good friends, one a that will left you up and support you when you need them. Not the ones that push you down and hold you there. Float above the water, don't let the water drown you and in the end you'll make it to shore.

Exciting!!

Ahh hey there. It's an exciting week at my school. My schools boys basketball team is going to state! They have had a great year and are all fantastic players and I am proud of all of them! They play this Friday and for band I get to go for free! It's so exciting. We went to state last year too, but we lost. But this year I really think we have a chance! I really hope we win!

In other news I'm getting ready to go to D. C. In a couple of weeks. I'm going with my band and its going to be really fun! Especially since I don't get to go on vacations ever. I just can't wait to go! Although I heard they were going to be getting a lot of snow. We have to play outside and have to dress nice, so guess who may be standing in a dress out in the snow? This lucky girl right here.

There is just so much going on now or coming up that's going to be a lot of fun and I just can't wait for it all! Tomorrow I got to buy my state t-shirt in the morning and I need green leggings, and I can't find any anywhere! Ahh! But anyway wish out boys team luck! And my schools girls team is in the playoffs as well! The first time in many years that our girls have made it so far! I'm so proud of all of our sports this year. I just hope soccer can be just as successful this year!!

Soccer Season

I am beat tired. The soccer season is just around the corner and I'm am working to get fit for it. I have work outs and lets just say they are not easy. There is more sweat in my hair then there should be. Lets just say it is soooooooo gross. But we are all working hard and the coaches are pushing us to keep going.

I honestly cannot wait for soccer to start. To be playing out in the grass with the smell of fresh cut grass in the air. Spring air fresh and clean, grass being ripped up from cleats and being with my team. There is nothing better then being apart of a team, you may not like all of them at the start but by the end they are your sisters. You don't have a lot of time to get to know them and a lot change year to year but they become some of your closest friends. You have inside jokes and its great. When you are on a team it doesn't matter what your "social status" is, because they are your sisters and each of them looks out for you and you all become family. I had some issues with people on my team last year but I'm excited for another team and another season.

I have been playing soccer for a number of years, but I am no where near as good as I want or should be, but that means that there's room for improvement and I plan on doing my best to improve!

Well wish me luck for try outs in a couple of weeks!

Snow Day

So the school board in my area being stupid canceled school for today. Not that I'm complaining about a day off its just I was kind of looking forward to school today for some unforeseen reason. I think it's the donuts we were supposed to get in band. But this got me thinking that there really needs to be more things to do on snow days. When you were younger you could go sledding with friends or play in the snow, which you can do as you get older but it looses some of its appeal. But really when your older what can you do? Curl up with your phone and iPod? Watch a bunch if movies as I plan to do today. Catch up on homework? For the older kids there is only so much to do. Our lives are for the most part are run by school. Most kids on school says have no idea what to do and just sit around board. So this got me thinking what can older kids do. Honestly, I haven't thought of anything. Does anyone know what we as older kids can do on a snow day? If you so please, let me know. Otherwise you can find we placed in front of the TV with Pitch Perfect, Mean Girls, She's The Man and some love movie. I suddenly wish I had Dear John. Maybe Letters to Juliet will replace Dear John......

Little Things

There was something that happened to me the other day and it just made me smile. People don't realize how small comments, or compliments can effect someone. It just takes something that small to make or break someones day. I was on Twitter the other day and someone at my school started a compliments page where they give out compliments for different people at our school. I went on to see that they made one for me, saying s/o to Aubrey for always wearing that pretty smile of hers:) and this seriously made my day. People don't thing that something so small could really effect a person but it does. Just as one small negative comment can really ruin someones day. Little things in life are really what bring us most joy, small comments are really what effect us, more than anything. That's why if anyone is reading this I have a mission for you. I want you to give at least one compliment to at least one person in the next week after you read this. If you do it, leave me a comment and tell me how it made you feel and how it made the person you gave it to feel. Things like this can really make a person feel better and it makes us feel better knowing that we made someone feel good. So a mission is out there and I plan on doing this mission too. Let's make someones day by making them feel good! and I guess the saying is true... Smile because you never know whose falling in love with it. Or the other saying that I'm not sure is actually a saying but....Smile you never know whose watching.   

Getting To Know Me

Hey! I've been meaning to give blogging a whirl but haven't ever gotten to it and this morning I was like hey, lets do something knew, so I decided to give it a try! I am really just trying to enjoy life! I am trying to find my nitch in life and I just haven't found it yet, and I wont feel complete until I do. I play the Flute in band, and I also play soccer, for school and rec. But in both of them I'm really not that great, well in other words that's not my nitch. I want to start a YouTube channel, I have a channel but it has a few school videos on it, and lets not get into how bad those videos are. If you do want to check them out just because this is the link. You can check out some of my favorites, and trust me, there are alot of One Direction on there. I really love One Direction. Blogging and putting up YouTube channels are just something I want to try to see if my nitch is in them.

I'm guessing you want to know what I'm going to post on here, you probably don't really want to know that much about me yet.:) I will blog about pretty much anything and everyone. From say book reviews on a book I just read or movie reviews to just stuff about my life. Sometimes happy things and sometime things that kind of just depress me a little bit. I might do alittle advocating for disabled people, mostly because my brother in autistic. I really enjoy baking so maybe I'll post some recipes from some stuff I tried to make. Really I just want to make a blog for any kind of reader that may be taking a peek at it.

Well that's really all that I have to say. If anyone reads this HAVE A GREAT DAY! and just remember to smile :). Smiling brightens everyones day!